


don't you cry (love's around you)

by CaptainLeBubbles



Series: Gold [1]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, M/M, Not Active Town, Panic Attacks, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: And then Athletic Man asks if he cantouchhim, and in a moment he's frozen on the widening gap betweengod yesandhe's going to finD OUT.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is. Something? I woke up with the idea of trans man Bradley in my head and then this happened.
> 
> Uh, content warning for a mildly graphic panic attack that takes up like. Half the fic.
> 
> Enjoy.

Kissing Athletic Man is _nice_. It feels _good._  It feels _natural,_ it feels _right_.

Athletic Man kisses like he does everything else in life: slow and gentle. Normally Bradley would be long bored, trying to inject some _excitement_  into thing, some _noise_  and _chaos_  and _energy_ , but instead he’s shaking all over from the sweet, sinful anticipation.

If just _kissing_  the elf is like that, who knows what it’ll be like to- to do _more_.

Athletic Man pulls away, and looks into Bradley’s eyes, and Bradley _absolutely does not swoon_. But it’s a near miss, all the same.

“I’d like to touch you more, Bradley,” Athletic Man croons. “Do you mind if my hands wander?”

And suddenly Bradley isn’t melted anymore, he’s frozen in place, staring wide eyed at the elf who, in the face of his sudden terror, is pulling away, putting some small distance between them, giving him a look of complete and utter patience and oh _god_  Bradley just wants to say _yes_  and feel those hands all over him _but_ -

“-wait!” Bradley shouts, aware of how loud his voice is. He grabs the front of Athletic Man’s vest and pulls him back to him. He’s trying to keep his breathing even, trying not to panic or anything, but judging by Athletic Man’s concerned look he’s not doing a very good job of it.

“Wait,” he says again, a little more evenly this time. “I- I want you to, but I-”

He breaks off, struggling with himself. Athletic Man rests a hand on one of the ones still holding his vest. His hand is warm and big over Bradley’s, and as soothing as everything else about him. Bradley lets out a little whimper. All he wants is to feel those hands _everywhere_  on him, but if he says _yes_ , Athletic Man is going to _know_ , and Bradley _wants_  him to know but also _what if he walks away what if he gets angry what if he doesn’t want to touch anymore what if what if what if-_

“It’s okay, Bradley,” Athletic Man murmurs. “If you’re not ready-”

“No, you don’t _understand_!” Bradley wails, and then immediately feels bad at the way Athletic Man winces. He takes a few more deep breaths, trying to get calm, but-

He’s aware, vaguely, that he’s started crying, and he scrubs at his eyes with his free hand. He _hates_  this, this _utter panic_  he feels, and even moreso that Athletic Man is _right there and witnessing it_.

“What do you need?” Athletic Man asks, voice soft, steady, _reassuring_. He scrubs at his eyes again, takes a long, deep breath and regains some small semblance of control.

“I- I need to- to _tell you_ -” He manages.

“You can tell me anything, Bradley,” Athletic Man assures him. “I’m here, I’ll listen to anything you need to say.”

It takes him awhile to calm down, curled over on himself while Athletic Man sits close by, near enough to feel his presence, _warm, safe, soothing_  but far enough to respect the apparent boundary he’s put up.

He’s a mess by the time he gets his breathing back under control, and there’s a tightness behind his eyes that he just _knows_  is going to be a headache soon, but at least he’s calm again, apart from the occasional shuddery gasp. Athletic Man gets up and disappears into the other room for a moment; Bradley can hear water running and when he comes back he has a glass of water and a warm, damp cloth.

He cleans himself up with the cloth, and takes a few sips of the water. It’s as awful as ever, but at least his mouth doesn’t feel quite so gross. He takes a few more deep breaths, and pats the space beside him, inviting Athletic Man to sit back down again.

“Are you ready to talk now?”

“Yes.” Bradley sniffles, and sets the barely-touched glass and cloth aside. “I- I think so.”

He’s still hunched over on himself, still trying to make himself even smaller than he already is, and the mood for tonight is officially dead, but- but _next time_ , maybe, they can just… get straight to the wandering hands without having to deal with _this_  again. He reminds himself that he _does_  want Athletic Man to know, that he’s been trying to work up the nerve to tell him _anyway_ , and, with one last sniffle, begins.

“I- I _do_  want you to tou- touch me,” he says. “I _want_  your hands to wander whe- wherever they _like_. But- the thing is- I- y’see- I’m not- I’m-” Another deep breath. _You can **do**  this, Bradley_. “I’m not a man in- in the _traditional_  sense…”

Athletic Man’s brow furrows at that, but it only takes him a moment to work out Bradley’s meaning. Bradley can pinpoint the exact moment understanding dawns.

“And you- were afraid that if I touched you, I would realize?”

“Well- yeah, I mean- kinda hard not to- to notice.”

“I see.” Athletic Man scoots a little closer, and, watching Bradley the whole time, puts his arm around him and pulls him into a one-armed hug. Bradley stiffens, wanting to melt into the side he’s been pulled against but not quite sure what’s going on.

“I- y- you don- don’t care?”

“Of course I care, Bradley. I care about everything about you.” He turns to him, touches a finger under his chin so Bradley will look up at him, and smiles. This time Bradley _does_  swoon, because swooning is a lot nicer than panic attacks, but he only swoons a little bit, because if he swoons properly he won’t get to look into those eyes anymore. “I don’t _mind_  though,” Athletic Man adds. “Because, as I said, I care about _everything_  about you.”

“O-oh,” is about all he can manage. He shoves his face into Athletic Man’s shoulder, a combination of exhausted and embarrassed, and Athletic Man wraps his arms around him, pulls him into his lap and cuddles him close. He hates how easy it is to settle into the warm cavern of Athletic Man’s embrace, how neatly he fits into this space, like it was _made_  for him. He shudders, relief surging through him, and Athletic Man’s grip tightens a little. He buries his face in Bradley’s hair.

“Thank you for trusting me, Bradley,” he says, very quietly. Bradley manages a small shrug. He wouldn’t so much call it _trust_  as a deep-seated desire to get into Athletic Man’s shorts- and maybe, just maybe, to let Athletic Man into his- but it _is_  nice to know that the elf is still _here_ , and maybe next time they’re kissing he can let his hands wander wherever they like, and it will be _nice_ , and Athletic Man will _care_  but he won’t _mind_ , because _he cares about everything about Bradley_ , and that is better than anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write more about these two idk. If I do the series will be called "Gold" but I'm not gonna make it unless I absolutely write more.


End file.
